


I Ain't Going Home Tonight

by fir8008



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Baekhyun is the Sassy Gay Friend, Crack, M/M, Oh Sehun is a Little Shit, Professor's Assistant Suho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 04:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11615445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fir8008/pseuds/fir8008
Summary: Sehun is sweating bullets and Joonmyun finds that oh-so-hilarious.Originally part of an abandoned drabble challenge





	I Ain't Going Home Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter originally published on AsianFanfics as part of a collection entitled "Twenty-Five" on April 19, 2014

“ _ I want to be with you tonight. I want to know you more. Don’t send me home. _ ” – Navi

 

“I can’t stand that rainbow-haired brat.” Joonmyun whines.

“You want that rainbow-haired brat’s D so far up your A that you won’t walk for a week.” Baekhyun quips. “I bet you fantasize about pulling his hair while he sucks…”

“Baekhyun,  _ shut up _ .”

“You fetishize tall people.” Baekhyun accuses.

Joonmyun glares at his best friend. “Hey, Baek, how tall is your boyfriend? I like tall guys.”

Baekhyun bares his teeth. “Touch my boyfriend and I’ll chop off your dick and feed it to your cute little poodle, bitch.”

“No need to get my poodle involved,” Joonmyun huffs. “And I do not want your boyfriend or that rainbow-haired brat.”

“The rainbow hair is kind of cute. Too bad he looks like jailbait. Kai says they’re the same age, but I don’t think so.”

“Rainbow-haired brat and Kai are the same age?”

“Do you listen to me ever? How are you a professor’s assistant?” Baekhyun groans. “Yeah, they’re the same age. They take dance classes together.” Baekhyun whistles. “If I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d tap that ass.”

Joonmyun stares at Baekhyun. What.

“If he’s the same age as Kai then he’s legal!” Baekhyun adds. “He has a really cute butt.”

_ What _ .

 

Rainbow-haired brat, formally named Oh Sehun, has been the bane of Joonmyun’s existence ever since he sauntered into that advanced calculus classroom. Joonmyun was the professor’s assistant, a position that suited him well because he was such an overbearing mom and infinitely patient. Oh Sehun immediately started testing that patience.

“Have you ever gotten laid?” Sehun asks.

“What?” Joonmyun squawks.

“You look like you get dressed in the dark. And the red perm is so not cute. I wonder if you’ve ever gotten any D. There’s no way you’d get chicks dressed like that.”

Joonmyun sputters. “Any kind of interpersonal relationships I’ve had are none of your business…”

“So no. You’ve never gotten laid.”

“I have gotten laid!”

Baekhyun chooses that moment to burst into Joonmyun’s classroom. “Damn, Myunnie, isn’t he a bit young for you?”

And in his embarrassed delirium Joonmyun cries, “Baekhyun, tell Sehun that I’ve gotten laid!”

“Joonmyun’s boyfriend from freshman year had a huge dick. He was really tall too. Myunnie has a thing for tall guys packing between the legs. But then his gorgeous boyfriend moved away to Canada or somewhere like that. It’s too bad. I was going to seduce him.”

“Byun Baekhyun, I am going to fuck your boyfriend into a wall!” Joonmyun screams. “When the hell were you going to seduce Kris?”

“Touch Park Chanyeol and I will rip your arms off and bludgeon you to death with them. Secondly, Kris transferred out before I could work my magic, so calm your nipples.”

“But how did he get a boyfriend?” Sehun cuts in. “Mr. Kim doesn’t know how to dress himself.”

Baekhyun snorts. “Kid, you have a lot to learn. It’s the same everywhere. Men have to have one of two things and it’s better to have both. You either need to be packing in the meat department or packing in the wallet. Myunnie’s a trust fund baby. His size doesn’t matter because he’s a bottom anyway.”

“But isn’t he going to fuck your boyfriend into a wall?” Sehun deadpans.

“Not if he knows what’s good for him.”

“Baekhyun, go away.”

“I’ll leave you with your jailbait. Bye, rainbow-haired brat!” Baekhyun sings as he steps out.

“I really hate him sometimes.” Joonmyun grumbles.

Sehun is oddly quiet.

“Well, since you obviously had no real questions to ask, you can go. I’ll leave first.” Joonmyun gathers up his things.

“Go out with me.” Sehun blurts.

“No.” Joonmyun says immediately.

Sehun scowls. “Why not?”

“I don’t like your hair.” Joonmyun replies.

“Really?”

“No, it’s also because you’re a snot-nose brat and I am not easy.”

“I never said you were easy.”

“Bye, Sehun. See you in class.”

“Wait! I only act like a brat because I liked you!”

“How mature.”

“I’ll behave better! I’ll dye my hair a natural color! Just give me a chance!”

Joonmyun appraises Sehun. “Dinner.”

“I’ll pay.”

“See you tonight.”

 

“You need to wear these pants!”

“Baekhyun, they are skin tight and if I bend down you can clearly see my ass-crack.”

“You are so dense, Myunnie. That’s the point. This is seduction. You’re not tutoring him.” Baekhyun sighs. “Men are visual creatures. He’s going to see you dressed up to the nine’s and want to bone you. This is the goal.”

“But those pants are not my style!” Joonmyun says desperately.

“ _ Kkaebsong _ .” Baekhyun sneers unapologetically. “Drop your pants, Myunnie. You’re getting some action, tonight.”

 

Sehun’s jaw hits the floor when he sees Joonmyun. “You look hot.”

Joonmyun squirms. “Thanks.”

All throughout dinner, Joonmyun can feel Sehun’s eyes undressing him. He keeps ordering drinks and downing them.

“Maybe you should slow down,” Sehun offers.

“I’m nervous,” Joonmyun exaggerates his slurring. He’s not actually that drunk, but the drunker he seems will work to his advantage. He’s just buzzed enough to be brave, but Sehun doesn’t need to know that.

“About what?”

Joonmyun bats his eyelashes. “About going home with you.”

Sehun chokes on his water.

“I don’t want to go home.” Joonmyun adds. “I want to stay with you.”

Sehun is sweating bullets and Joonmyun finds that oh-so-hilarious. Sehun, who acts so suave when he isn’t being a bratty shit, is quaking in his seat at the prospect of taking the professor’s assistant home. Joonmyun slides the toe of his shoe up Sehun’s leg under the table and the kid jumps about ten feet in the air. Joonmyun giggles with exaggerated drunkenness. “How cute,” he coos.

Sehun gulps. There’s a dribble of sweat sliding down Sehun’s Adam’s apple. Joonmyun licks his lips. Sehun squirms.

“I’m still only a student.” Sehun blurts. “If you come home with me and things happen… you’re drunk. How will I know you aren’t joking around with me?” He runs a hand through his rainbow-colored tresses. “I like you.”

“I like you too. I’m not easy, Sehun-ah.” Joonmyun says soothingly and with a significantly reduced drunken slur. “I don’t do this to every person I come across.”

Sehun ponders this. “Then,” he stammers. “Do you want to come home with me?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”


End file.
